Sunday, June 3, 2012

vigor Feeding: What It Is And How It Serves Us, Part 1

Chiropractic School In Florida - vigor Feeding: What It Is And How It Serves Us, Part 1
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During the months of April and May 2011, I had three sessions of "Synchrotize" facilitated by Heather Teach. Basically this process allows you to make a clear known selection in your life. For each session I stated an intention: 1) To balance my inner male and female, 2) To be in full alignment with my sovereignty, and 3) To allow my natural state of abundance, joy and laughter. I had such a profound feel in each one of these sessions that by the time they were over I felt related to my soul in a way I'd never felt before. What happened next was that some of the most core aspects I've been harboring began rising to the face to be experienced and integrated. Among them was bitterness towards women and God and a tendency to use women sexually for my own gain. Energy feeding can be seen within the way each of these aspects vie for attention.

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How is vigor Feeding: What It Is And How It Serves Us, Part 1

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Naturally, I can speak best about what I've personally had to deal with so I will introduce what Energy feeding is by highlighting inescapable ways that aspects of me have used feeding in an effort to gain something. The illusion that we are separate from the divine and that we are flawed at birth have caused us to look for ourselves on the outside. However, because we chose to buy into the illusion of being separate from the divine, we planted a desire within us to remember who we are, that we are divine. We desire to re-connect to our natural state of joy. Instead of feeling this connection, we feel empty. Naturally then, the mind thinks that the key to finding ourselves as well as true joy lies in something face of us, and so we began to literally feed off of each other energetically, hoping to fill that place within us. What this means is that instead of finding the divine within, we look towards person else whom we can feed energetically off of in order to have any kind of experience, even though we don't necessarily connect to the divine in this way. This is quite literally an effort to make up for what we have not been able or willing to give to ourselves on the inside.

In fact, you could say that every single thing all of us do at any given time is all the time motivated without exception, because we desire to feel good-which means we desire to feel the divine. Otherwise, we would not make such a choice. I don't care if a person chooses to murder person else. The motivation deep down (whether they know it or not) is because they believe they will feel great after the fact. You could say then that the motivation behind all operation is to return to our natural state of joy. Put in yet someone else way, you could say the motivation behind all operation is coming from the place within us that desires to know who we literally are. We want to touch the face of God. Now we can understand that all Energy feeding is our way of attempting to have that experience. We believe that we can taste a bit of the divine straight through something or person face ourselves. This is because we were never taught that the divine is found within us. Actually, we all collectively agreed to intermingle our energies because we had hope that person might just tap into an authentic way to get back to the divine and none of us wanted to miss out on this knowing should person else have such an experience. This is why Energy feeding has been our historical experience.

There are an ample number of ways that feeding occurs. It's so normal we literally don't think anyone of it. For example, just sitting watching television can be a major source of feeding energetically, as can Facebook. When I'm trying to write on my computer and yet find myself being continuously pulled back to FaceBook to add my comments on people's posts or to see if anyone commented on my posts, I know I'm feeding. In someone else example, we feed off each other with our friends. We lean on each other for emotional support, friendship, and to have a sense of social relationship with our fellow human beings on the planet. We don't mind this at all.

On the other hand, you've probably heard of "energy vampires" and indeed, the term implies person literally sucking Energy from another. You probably have met person who all the time seems to drain your Energy when you're with them. There was a time when an aspect of me was an Energy vampire. anyone I could find to lend me an ear, I would embark on into poor me mode and expect their sympathy and understanding. But what I was literally seeking was attention and approval big time because I was wholly incapable of giving it to myself. Energy vampires are an ultimate type of feeding. Whether it's being done consciously or unconsciously, Energy vampires have such a strong need to feel alive and hence, feed off of others energetically that those they feed off of can normally feel their Energy literally being drained. They might feel smothered or taken benefit of. In such cases, they'll try to get away from the vampire, but for others who aren't so draining, we allow feeding to occur between us all the time. It's a socially proper norm.

Just as there are many ways that population feed, there are also a variety of reasons for why population feed. Victimhood arose because the mind was not satisfied with the now moment. The desire for acceptance and approval caused us to find others to feed off of to gain that approval. There are many ways in which we feed in crusade of acceptance, from Naturally telling our victim story to someone else in order to solicit sympathy like I did, to trying to make ourselves look great than others. There are endless examples. Feeding provides an energetic shot in the arm so we can feel an increase in energy. This is why we continue to feed. In fact, we are addicted to it.

For years my own desire to be proper or gain approval had me trying to save the world for Moon. Later I realized I loved to teach, so I created websites, books, Cds and a radio show, yet on some level I knew this was just more ways to feed, maybe not as intensely as I once did but still, I was still hoping to gain the love and respect of others. In other words, manipulating population in order to create my own livelihood so I can feel good about myself. "Look at all these things I do. Aren't I cool?" This was my way of validating to me or proving to myself that I'm a great person, that I matter, that I am worthy. If I could get person to show they cared about me then I felt it must be true. Of course, this never worked because even if I received praise or some kind of acceptance, it was never good adequate because my operation was motivated for such gain.

So what was I to do? Well, I contemplated some times about giving it all up. Maybe living as a farmer, quietly tilling the soil unknown to the rest of the world. That could be a marvelous feel in connecting to my soul. However, every time I asked my soul about this I received clear advice that it's not about giving up the action. My process of remembering who I am is about studying how to let go of the addiction. So, I continue choosing the same actions while shifting from having a need to gain approval to acting from a sincere desire that's coming from my soul. I'm still in this process. To truly devotee this is true love, what some call enlightenment, but these days I do feel a great deal of joy when Naturally sharing my truth regardless of the means, and regardless of the response. If no one cared I would still share because I am teaching myself. I'm the one studying how to step into sovereignty straight through writing and speaking my truth.

Of all the ways there are to feed off of each other, it can be said that the most potent way we use is straight through some form of sexuality. When used for our own gain, it becomes such a powerfully seductive force that we can literally compromise our integrity, even give away our freedom, in order to be accepted, to gain approval, to feel safe and protected, to gain affection, or what have you-there are some motivations.

I already discussed in my first two books about information I learned concerning old lifetimes in which I was Whether abused sexually by a woman or I was the one abusing women in a sexual way for my own gain. Whether way, I carried the aspects created in these experiences into this life to be resolved once and for all. For this reason, sexuality has in one form or someone else been complicated in the issues of so many of the aspects I have experienced and invited to come home. I will give some examples.

I made an appointment to get a massage recently and at the hour of the appointment, arrived before the massage therapist did. When she showed up she was wearing a sexy top and low-cut shorts, with a sucker in her mouth, which she kept in throughout the massage. I found her interesting in a seductive way and yet, while I observed this about her dress and behavior, I didn't think much of it. I assumed she would give me the full body massage I came to get. However, at one point during the massage I was on my back and she was working behind my head on my scalp and neck. She put her hands on my neck and left ear and held them there for a consolidate of minutes. Practically immediately I started to relax. Her touch felt very soothing and comforting. Before long, I started getting sexually aroused, which had to be inescapable to her because only a thin blanket covered my lower body. She then switched to my right ear, gradually touching me there long adequate that the arousal increased. I sensed this was her desired intent when I opened my eyes and looked into her eyes, which were directly above mine, and saw them twinkling with a seductive look, sucker still in her mouth.

This was a marvelous first hand feel of how sexuality can be used to feed energetically. In this case, she was attempting to manipulate me for her own gain. When the massage was over she spoke in a very sweet, sexy voice, asking if I enjoyed myself and if I'd like to come back. I didn't say anything, just took her card and went on my way. I could still feel the sexual desire as I was driving away and later at home, as I contemplated this experience, I felt it was Maybe her way of manipulating men, using her sexual prowess to gain money, but also power because if we keep coming back for more and tip her as well, she feels she has conquered us, and this is her way of feeding off of men in order to feel good about herself, to feel alive really. It also gives her the feeling that she matters because she has what it takes to create her own livelihood. She uses sexuality to create a living straight through manipulation. That has to feel good. Upon additional reflection however, I realized all this awareness was literally true about me and that this woman was Naturally reflecting my aspects back to me. Not easy to swallow but true nonetheless.

In addition, I could tell that somewhere inside I was judging myself for becoming aroused, as if there was something wrong with it. This was not surprising inspecting this is how sexuality has been used historically by both sexes, not exclusively in this way, but as long as we have not known who we are, we have all the time been taking benefit of each other for mutual gain-searching for inner fulfillment on the face because there's no potential to stand sovereign, knowing that the source of love and fulfillment is on the inside. When we use sexuality to manipulate others into giving us some aspect of them, Whether it's money, time, affection, or even their integrity, in order that we can feel worthy and confident, that we matter, all such emotions we gain from this are literally false. They're not real because they are manufactured by the mind as a way to make up for not being in touch with the life force of the universe, which is inside us, and therefore, we feel a lack of parental love or Maybe affection, causing us to desire attention and approval. That doesn't mean you don't feel good when feeding. Of procedure you do. What it means is that the source we not inside so when the good feelings fade, you have to keep going back for more.

This comprehension is nothing new to me. My soul has been teaching me about manipulation for quite some time. What's been hard for me has been to not judge myself for being a manipulator. I've been literally good at grasping truth and have a marvelous gift in being able to profess it well, straight through both the written as well as spoken word. And yet, the hardest of all has been to live my truth. Yes, I've been developing an ample number of compassion, but the same day I received this massage I danced for about an hour on my back porch and in the process, threw my hip out of place, which I knew was my soul asking me to take time for inner reflection. I began asking what this was about. A few days later I got a chiropractic adjustment but it didn't hold so I went back for a second adjustment two days after that. However, that one didn't hold Whether and unfortunately it was the starting of the Memorial Day holiday weekend so I couldn't get re-adjusted again until the following Tuesday. I had no selection but to go within and ask for more clarity. "Why is this happening to me?" Right away answers began pouring straight through me. I realized it was time to take a look at my life from an entirely different perspective than I have ever done before.

All the women in my life who have played any sort of principal role on the stage of my play have, with one exception, had their own agendas for being there, just as I had my agenda for writing them into my script. If I was at anytime unable to supply anyone it was they were feeding off of me for, that was cause for ending the relationship. Likewise, if I perceived that they were not providing me what I had initially hoped they would, I'd drop them in a heartbeat. Whether way, the fact that I wasn't being true to me caused my life to be in turmoil. Pain is a clever teacher. If there's anyone the soul can use to get our attention, it's pain. However, it tends to be a last resort, showing up only when we've failed to pick to come to be consciously aware of the inner advice of the soul, which is all the time there. Making choices based on your intuition is being mindful of your inner wisdom. Your soul is the only aspect of you that knows what you truly want and what you need to receive it into your life because your soul is the only thing about you that is real. Once I understood that interesting situations and population were teachers helping me to see what I did and did not want, as much as I remembered to, I began appreciating what life was giving me.

In December 2007 I began working a telemarketing job that challenged me on every level. It was physically demanding and at times, emotionally excruciating. Some population had no question offering me their thought of telemarketers. But I did my best to see the gift they offered and after four months was promoted to come to be a financial counselor, which was part of the container I had been selling on the phone. This was heaven for me because I have a gift for being comprehension and compassionate and this is exactly what I could offer those whose finances were a mess. Yet, it wasn't long before the company's ownership changed hands and the new owner felt my gift could be best used in customer assistance where I encountered angry, bitter customers who regretted having allowed themselves to be talked into buying something from a telemarketer and now they wanted out. A day didn't go by where I had to deal with this sort of person on the phone.

Thanks to the selection I had made long before to see the gift in all things, it wasn't very often that I would allow person to rile my cage with their bitterness and query for a refund, and even when it did I was able to breathe straight through it, if not while I had them on the phone, then sometime shortly thereafter. Finally life reflected my inner growth. One day out of the blue the owner moved me into my own office where all I had to do every day was use the computer to write rebuttals to customers who had taken their desire for a reimbursement into their own hands by calling their credit card business and demanding a chargeback. I seldom had to speak with anyone else about anyone and I was Making well over twice the pay I had started with at the company. Again, I was heaven.

Still, I knew I was fighting a losing battle for the business and I also felt my soul gradually prodding me to ensue my passion for writing and speaking on a full time level. I could see the handwriting on the wall when suddenly in December 2009 there were no funds to pay the employees. I allowed myself to be coaxed into staying based on promises and small weekly stipends but by late January 2010 I decided to give observation and two weeks after my last day the business folded. That was my marker to write "Apostle Paul: The Untold Story," which I done in less than two months. In that short number of time I had taken a good hard look at the Apostle and my relationship with him, and had made a selection to publish a need to suffer that I'd been carrying with me ever since that lifetime 2000 years ago.

After that, even though I had a lot of fear because of no longer having a paycheck, I continued to ensue my passion. In June I created a blog and I began my radio show in September. I learned much from these experiences, especially from the guests I had on my show. Well, at the outset of 2011, I did not have adequate money to pay my rent so I was ready to live out of my car while chronic to write and do my radio show because that is what I felt strongly my soul was telling me to do. As it turned out, I didn't have to do that. Instead, my brother invited me to house sit a vacant home he had been trying to sell for two years without success. interesting into that home opened up yet someone else chapter for me, one of deep reflection. I changed the frequency of my show from weekly to bi-weekly and delved into asking for clarity. "Why is money still not flowing?" "Why am I landlocked in north central Florida when I have a yearning to trip and a love of the beach?"

That's when I returned to the book I'm working on now, which was literally half done before I even began working on the Apostle Paul book. Once I chose to let that single lifetime go, I knew there were some bitter, revengeful aspects from lifetimes that went way beyond the Apostles that I was still identifying with. They too were seeking the compassion of their inventor to feel embraced. I had yet to see their issues for what they were-gifts I gave myself once to protect a tender heart that literally did not want to be broken ever again. I learned from my Angelic Team of an aged Egyptian lifetime in which an aspect of me had been abused sexually and then abandoned by a High Priestess and because of this had vowed to never again allow himself to be abused. Because this aspect held this woman responsible for my emotional demise, he chose to make women pay by withholding love from them, even inspecting them to be second-class citizens.

While I had no doubt initially made such a vow on a known level, when I carried this vow with me into new lifetimes I had no memory of it. Instead, in an effort to ease the deep-seated emotions of anger and loneliness that I carried as a ensue of this vow, an aspect of me chose to feed off of women sexually, hoping they would satisfy this unquenchable thirst. When that didn't work, in later lifetimes an aspect of me turned his attention towards men, hoping to use them sexually for the same reason. Again, I had no memory of why I was compelled to do any of this. When the Apostle's lifetime occurred, I carried this desire for men with me into a culture whose religious rules forbade same-sex relationships and this fueled bitterness towards God.

That's when an aspect of me gave permission to my mind to create lies about me being a victim of a God who demands obedience and punishes those who don't obey. The rage this created combined with his desire for relaxation was so intense that it literally attracted the blinding light feel with Jesus and the eventual saved by the blood theology. For the last 2000 years I carried some of these aspects I've described into any given lifetime. For example, at times I brought with me the gay Energy but was severely persecuted for it. Other times an aspect of me abused women sexually, refusing to let them off the hook. More often than not though, I brought in aspects that needed to please God, and all the bitterness toward Him came along with it. Today this is the lifetime I chose to bring all these issues with me, trusting I would find a way to bring all these aspects into balance straight through letting go of all the illusions, remembering the truth of who I am, and finding the natural state of joy I've been keeping at an arms length all these centuries.

I've learned from first-hand feel about Energy feeding thanks to a variety of hurting, longing, and even bitter aspects. For example, I watched a video of young women stripping naked very erotically. I became very sexually turned. The Energy feeding began from the very starting of the video. It was a qualified schooling in how Energy feeding occurs straight through sexual seduction. I went out to eat afterwards but could not be gift adequate to wholly enjoy my food because I was still mental about her, still feeding off of her, still craving her energy. This feeding gave me a false sense of ease because with the craving for more still within me, I knew it did nothing to foster my heart, body, spirit, or even my mind.

There was nothing right or wrong about having given myself this feel and yet, I knew I was allowing myself to be controlled by her seductive Energy because I still had not been willing to go inside and find the love that her body was representing for me. And yet, I allowed myself the satisfaction of watching her because I wanted to publish all such beliefs that there was something wrong with doing it. Having spent some lifetimes living with vows of chastity, I brought a heavy loathing of my sexuality with me into this life. For the great part of my life the mere thought of touching myself "down there" caused guilt so you can imagine the challenge I had to allow myself to be sexual when I was literally with a woman.

In addition, there was a time when I had aspects that were obsessed with being spanked for sexual pleasure. Even when I was married I often spanked myself unbeknownst to her but after she left me, I was also drawn to watching naked women being whipped. I learned once from a trustworthy source that this was because in a old lifetime I was an enslaved woman who allowed herself to be whipped by her captor. Until I found this out, I had no idea this was just an aspect of mine popping up because it wanted to be resolved so I was carrying a lot of shame around with me. Once I realized that all this aspect wanted was for me to accept it, when I watched videos of women being spanked I chose to honor any emotions that came up. These aspects came home only when I stopped attempting to abstain from such behavior and instead, fully proper it by allowing them full expression. All such desire Naturally faded away when these aspects felt literally proper so that today it's not interesting to me at all. This would never have happened had I not released all the judgment I was heaping upon these aspects, which only caused the desire to spank myself to increase. Judging is just someone else form of feeding.

As far as I'm concerned, the only question with any of this comes as it would with eating food or anyone else, when it becomes so obsessive that you can't function any more. It's where you are keeping it at arms length. While you are allowing yourself to indulge in such pleasures, you feel badly about it because you have a belief that says this is wrong and then guilt and shame creates even more indulgence in the very same thing, just as with alcohol or any other addiction. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, cigarettes, pornography, or any so-called addiction but it is just a matter of keeping all things in right order and not being overly obsessive about any one. The surmise something like pornography has come to be such an obsession in our community today is because we have not been allowing ourselves the relaxation to be fully expressed sexually in the first place, primarily because of not knowing who we are. When you have an aspect that believes there is something wrong with experiencing sex, when you pick to have sex anyway that aspect is going to pop up with a red flag like spy ware on your computer when it detects a virus. You're not going to be able to freely feel the moment because this aspect believes such feelings are prohibited. In this way, sex has not been very fulfilling and many are driven to other resources in an effort to find such fulfillment. Again, this is how Energy feeding occurs.

This is exactly what happened to me. When I first attempted to have sex, with a well-known slut when I was in high school, I couldn't get aroused for the life of me. Later when I was married the same thing happened probably 98% of the time. In those days this was a source of ample rage towards God because I felt like such a wimp, not being able to make love to my own wife, and I blamed God for this. Gratefully, my Angelic Team helped me to understand that when you attach the Energy of suffering to the Energy of pleasure, they both come to be bed partners. during some of those lifetimes of celibacy I allowed myself to be flogged whenever I had sexual thoughts because my belief said this was a terrible sin. Therefore I literally became the inventor of my sexual dysfunction because I was attaching suffering to pleasure. Who would know? After that, a sexual thought brought lots of fear, which I now understand happens because of the threat of being punished.

From what I've learned about my old lives, I perceive now how principal it can be to have the awareness that we are literally eternal beings who have chosen to visit this planet on a number of occasions. Having such awareness provides the comprehension that some if not all of our emotional aspects probably have their roots in prior lifetimes. In most cases these aspects can be resolved without knowing the past life details. Just knowing you are not your aspects and that for anyone surmise you carry unwanted emotions, you can pick to have compassion for them and invite them home. You may find that the divine aspect of you may give you some comprehension as to how or why you created your aspects but if this doesn't happen it means you don't need to know. Remembering who you are and bringing home your aspects is the only thing you are responsible to perform in this life.

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